Showing posts with label medical school. Show all posts
Showing posts with label medical school. Show all posts

Thursday, 17 June 2010

Surreal ++++

I thought I was tough. I thought I could hack anything medicine could throw at me. I thought ITU would be fun. Thats 3/3 wrong.
Surreal was translating clinic letters from a language I don't speak to get a PMH on a guy who's about to go for his third orthopaedic procedure in a week. Every limb you can break was broken when his vehicle hit another. His wife is in the hospital too, with C-spine fractures. Watching two teenage girls see their dad for the first time and not crying is the hardest thing I've done this week, including exams.
Surreal is watching a man, handcuffed to a policewoman, cry over his unconscious alcoholic mother.
Meningitis in lectures is fine. Meningitis in a lad my age, on every organ support machine possible, is not.
I've learnt that there's a special type of COPD you can get from smoking heroin. That a litre of vodka a day will make you fall out of your wheelchair and give you a massive subdural haematoma, and surgery to fix that involves more scalp staples than I ever thought possible. That whilst ITU is not the worst place to die, it is the worst place to be a conscious patient. That no one leaves ITU without after effects - dead, disabled, or PTSD & hallucinations. That the healthiest looking patient on the unit is the one with terminal cancer, conscious and talking, with less than days to live. And the logistics of taking an intubated patient home to die are nigh on impossible.
Yesterday I held the hands of someone who was getting his central line changed, whilst heavily sedated. I had to prise his fingers off mine at the end. Today he is dead.
It is a vegetable patch. Row upon row of slanted mounds of patient. I have heard medicine reduced to such a molecular level over the past two days, it was hard to relate it to the slab of flesh in front of me. Patients talked of in terms of biochemical figures. Of vessels of infection.
A consultant admitted that most of what they do would be considered torture in any other context. Yet the nurses reassure relatives with the "No pain" line. I stuck six cannulas into two patients. Both squirmed and withdrew, despite being "comatose". Four failed cannulae, just from me. I saw 3 attempts at an NG tube, which ended when they suctioned 200ml of blood out of his throat. Blood that wasnt there when they started. Hands bandaged like mittens to prevent tubes and lines being yanked out. Consent and Gillick competency don't exist.
I can't write any more. I could, but I think 6hrs sleep over 2 days is adversely affecting me. I DONT CRY. Except after ITU.

Sunday, 21 February 2010

****

I am actually crying. It's a long time since I properly cried. I couldn't cry when I got the residue of chilli peppers on my contact lenses, and needed to irrigate it. I couldn't cry when I hated my flatmate to the point of wishing her dead (I don't, and I realise in hindsight it was an aspect of my mental illness rearing its head, but thoughts are thoughts). Yet I just got my exam results and my eyes are like fountains.

Not because I failed.

Not because I passed.

But because I got the best exam results I have EVER recieved, including full marks on our 30 credit (normal modules are only 20) module exam.

I've been home nearly half an hour. Known for more than thirty minutes that I passed, that I far exceeded by own expectations, even my own hopes.

Yet my eyes will not stop gushing. I cannot stop (quietly) bawling to myself. It is part relief. Tonight was the Medical Ball, and all night people from my year have been stopping by at our table to chat, and the main topic is "Are you celebrating?". Our results weren't supposed to be out til Tuesday, due to yet another clerical administration error, yet when I left theatres at 5pm(a very long story) I had a text screaming that results were up online.

I couldn't bear to check. To know again that I'd passed, but not by the margin I wished for. Not by the margins I needed to pull my (absymal) average up to something worthy of my efforts. So I went to the ball with no results. Told enquirers I figured I passed (so far, anecdotally only two people have failed, out of nearly two hundred) but wasn't gonna waste my night by being disappointed by the scores.

Got in past 1am. Drunk, tired, sore. Thought checking while drunk would be easier to bear than sober.

I didn't even want to check then. Wanted to put a hoodie over my pj's and curl up in bed. Check later. Maybe never. If an email arrives asking for a meeting, I failed. If not, pass. Despite my laptop sensing this, and three times ignoring the uni website link, or closing the tab, somehow the results page ended up open.

With a 17 and a 20. Out of 20.


Turns out that celebrating alone in the darkness of our sleepy flat (1 asleep, potentially newly engaged, 1 whoring herself out on the town) is lonely. But ok. The boyfriend has been texted. The new flatmate has been texted. I want so badly to call my parents but I think a 2am phonecall is usually badly recieved...

Every online msn buddy (ok, so the only online msn buddy) is being bombarded instead.

Bang goes my interesting tale of the registrar stabbing the consultant with a k-wire....

Wednesday, 10 February 2010

Twas the Night before Principles of Diseases...

Exam is in less 10 hours now.

I've done about 90 minutes studying all day.

But I did go for a lovely walk in the sunshine. Took some photo's of the park. Bought more unnecessary chocolate (Most of which is now gone, including a whole box of Cadbury's fingers. Yes. Obese. I know.)

Spent far too long stalking people on Facebook. Tweeting about irrevent crap. Trawling blogs.

Did I mention eating every sugary snack in the house?

Did laundry.

I said that I ate everything, right?

MIDNIGHT.

0031: Ohmigosh I have never heard of half these pharmacology terms!!!! And there are only 4 fingers left!

0042: Does anywhere sell wine at this time of night? Reachable on semi-drunk foot...

0112: WTF is polarity??? I just think polar bears!

0136: Msn chat with Faye about waffles. Not ADR's. A = augmented. B = bizarre. C =chronic. D = delayed. E = end of treatment. F = failure of treatment.

0138: Wish flatmate wouldnt shower at this time of night.

0158: Cold. Want to go to bed, but still tons to do. And there are no pillowcases on the bed.

0211: *Yawn* Finished Pharm. Now, bugsybusgsybugsy's...

0215: Using 4 year old lecture notes. Should have just attended the damn lecture. OH, was in hospital...

0229: Turns out, no, I hadn't finished Pharm. Can now cure most OD's/poisonings. I wish.

0237: MLIA break.

0245: Bugger. Not done cancer yet. Can I go to sleep now?

0246: Compromise with self. Will glance through notes now, and in morning. Will then ssleeep.

0255: Found MCQ's in back of Learning Guide.

0312: 84% on MCQ's. Pharm good, Cancer bad. SLEEP

Friday, 29 January 2010

Friday night rambles.

Everything hurts. The broken wrist (more painful than last years, therefore more broken). The heavily bruised shoulder (can't push doors open with broken wrist, other hand is mostly occupied with folders, mobile, handbag...). The revision (or lack-thereof) induced headache. Kneeeees!!! There are very few bony parts of my anatomy that are not aching in some way today.

Pity party over. Today was the last day of class before January exams (strangely, held in February), so The Fear was starting to hit people - when I left at 6pm, 4 hours after our class ended, there were 5 medics in the computer room, 12 on one floor of the library, and goodness knows how many on the other floor, or the other library. Revision pizza party has been scheduled for Tuesday night (to coincide with Domino's 555 deal! Eeee!), so some semblance of study should probably take place prior... Heh, it's Friday night and the blogs are calling.

I keep reading Mothers in Medicine and I have to admit it terrifies me! I cannot wait to have lil kiddies of my own (kids clothes are so cute! Much better than dressing up the cat), but OMG. I am terrified that my (non-medical) boyfriend will not cope well with a) not being the breadwinner, b) being left at home with the kids, c) me studying in the time that isn't spent working, d) me getting all excited over Charnley hips and the relative benefits of cemented over non-cemented NOF fixations.... I love him to bits and I can't wait to start our proper life together, both in the same place (same country would be a nice start!), with a lil flat of our own, and kidlets on the way... *daydreams*. I always thought if I was a doctor, my husband would be a doctor, you know? Not a supermarket manager/PhD student/primary school teacher/psychologist [delete as applicable when Boy finally picks a career]. That's not to say I belittle what Boy does, I just want him to be in a job he's happy with, one he gets excited about doing for the rest of his working life! Like I am with Ortho, ha. I think, no, I know he'll be awesome whatever he does - he's smart and caring, and he just gets people. I don't know how, I seriously wish I did! It was recently anonymously commented that I'm not a people person. I'm not a people person, right on. I am a patient person. My clerking today had such a crazy lifestory, I wish it were within the limits of patient confidentiality to say, but needless to say, it was full of hardship and overcoming adversity and sheer gutsiness and an immense drive to do life. I adore our wards, as I keep saying, but certain patients make you come out grinning, and today, he did.

Certain consultants also make you come out grinning, when they catch you on your own and tell you you're "a good one". EEEEEEE -SUPER-HAPPY-JOYFUL-JELLY! Out of our group of 8, there's an academic range. The 12's, who work hard but don't quite get the big concepts or the sheer volume, but are happy regardless. The 15's, who work a bit, play a bit - the popular kids. The 19's, the super-academics; the one's who, faced with a real patient, get a bit tongue tied, and mumble, and display that their only knowledge of performing an exam is from MacLeods. I am the quandary. My average is a solid 16, a 15 on weighted average. Yet on wards, I am the 20. I am the one who presents, I am the walking BNF, I am the one who answers.
Wards are my reason to feel good about this course, my motivation to keep going. Of course, time in Theatre is what makes me leap out of bed in the darkest morn before the dawn, and stay til the last patient is into Recovery, still hoping for more, but theatre days are few and far between. Wards are my weekly saving grace.

Wednesday, 27 January 2010

I have cupcakes and I'm not afraid to use them.

Procrastination central. It's here. I just made cupcakes (minus frosting - does that make them muffins? Or just naked?). And did all my ironing. And the washing up. Twice. And I spent the afternoon at my job, pretending that summarising medical records counts as revision, as opposed to the truth - I do know the baby vacc schedule inside out, but I learnt more about psychosexual dysfunction this afternoon than pharmacology. I think we all know which one is on the exam.

The stress is here. I just screamed at the landlady/flatmate for standing outside banging/shouting/whistling for half an hour (she's lost her keys - don't get me started on the fact that this means our flat is left unlocked if she leaves last). The stress is also in part due to a minor altercation with the boy. His housemates are moving out to buy a house together, so he's having house issues. Why does that sound familiar, huh? Oh, and I tripped over thin air/my own big feet and broke my scaphoid. Why does that sound familiar? Oh, maybe because I did that last-year-just-before-big-exams. *Grumble*. One day, one fine day, I will get through an exam season without a medical drama.

Tomorrow's lecture is cancelled, so more chances to sleep in/revise Tumour Pathology over breakfast.

13 days...

Tuesday, 26 January 2010

Knife, back, meet.

I still like Haem-Onc. Hehe. Guilty. Though I think it's more that I love clinical teaching, and I adore our consultants. And they have a fondness for grilling us on drugs, so yay! :D

Exams are a little too close. Eesh. And minor backstabby bitchiness is occuring. There are only a few past papers available, and these have been sourced from people in higher years. And certain lovely people have made tables of all the diseases we have to know, and the aetiology, pathogenesis, prognosis, epidemiology, treatment... There are also quiz sheets, fact cards, lists of common bacteria and antibiotics... The list goes on. Either way, as far as I can see the stuff is going in circles. I keep getting emails going "hey, didn't know if you had this, enjoy!". Strangely, when I mention x past paper to someone, they say "What x paper?" Even within our friendship group (strained, stretched, and amorphic), people are being skipped and deliberately left out of the loop.

I can say honestly that I've sent on everything I've been asked for to everyone who asked for it. I cannot say I've forwarded everything I have to everyone I know. I'm a bitch, I admit it.

Thursday, 10 December 2009

Not a black dreamer.

I could kill. I could also hug.

Homicidal tendencies are due to a big error with our electricity bill, making us liable for nearly £200 worth of power. I wish "I'll cut off the direct debit" held as much weight as their "we'll cut off the power" threat.

In other news, my two days in trauma theatres next week are confirmed. EEEEEEEE!!!!! Now the major problem will be keeping it a secret! If any other second years find out that theatre exposure is possible, my lovely reward for surviving the term will be ruined.

Other factors that threaten to ruin the end of term are impending bankaccountemptinessdoom, all of my friends attending a christmas dinner I am not invited to, and attempting to batter my head of year with a small child. Or other weapon of choice.

An assessed clerking was handed in several weeks ago. It was returned yesterday. I got a score of around 50%. Needless to say, I am not ecstatic about this. I'm boiling over with fury at an inept system which punishes the honest and rewards the liars. Certain people (and I can name at least four, so far) did not clerk a single actual patient, yet handed in a full (fictional) clerking and receieved almost perfect marks. One of my friends was marked down for saying he examined the olfactory nerve in his cranial nerve exam. The markers don't believe people could have the ingenuity to bring an orange to ward teaching for this purpose. I was honest about the fact that I didn't examine certain pulses (didn't want to undress patient), reflexes (patient refused) and vibration & pain sensations (there are no tuning forks on the ID ward, nor Neurotips - also, I find it unnecessary to subject the patient to pain, however mild, for a formative assessment). It was also commented on that I did not perform fundoscopy. We've never been taught fundoscopy, and I wouldn't have a clue which side of an opthalmoscope I or the patient should be on. The patient may have learnt plenty about my retinas, but I didn't do it.

This is war. My tutor today told me to "stop trying to fight the system, because you will end up fighting yourself". Surely if it's me vs me, that's a win-win situtation? I know what he means, and I know that the knobs who lie now will lose out later, but the fact remains that... that... yeh, it's not fair. I should get over it.

Friday, 4 December 2009

*Pharm dance*

2 posts in 2 days - something must be wrong!

So far all that is majorly wrong (ignoring big uni FtP issues, family issues, flatmate issues...) is that I still have two weeks left of term! This means about twenty more hearty lectures, one community session, and two ward sessions. [And two days in trauma theatre, but that isn't confirmed yet, so ssshh.]

And today, on Haematology? The Jelly fire was still a-burning. The Prof finally deigned to teach us himself, and he's a darling. A veritable Theo Paphitis (sp? I like my dragons firebreathing, not just plain wealthy) with a mild sense of humour. Split to the 8 winds, with a list of 9 patients to see, we regrouped an hour later with 5 histories. Maths is lost on medics, clearly.

Beardy presents his case. I don't even recall what it was, but I've got a 33% chance of guessing - everyone has lymphoma, leukaemia, or myeloma. And I know nil about any of them. Yet. Only just into his HxPC, Beardy gets pulled up on some error, suggests that I take over. Queen of the presentation. I like. I decline (having not even gathered the notes for my case, never mind his) and he continues, until the medication list arises. What is... Aciclovir? Ciprofloxacin? Dexamethasone? Omeprazole? Azathioprine? Bing, bing, bing, bing, bing. Somehow, the rest of the group left their Pharm head at home. Or never owned one in the first place. I recommend eBay. After drug five, Theo has given up even looking at anyone else for an answer. Oh yeh! Oh yeh, oh yeh, oh yeh... *pharm dance*

Now what the hell is MAXICHOP? Aside from the latest in machete wielding ballroom styles...

Thursday, 3 December 2009

Trumpet blowing - it's all brass, baby.

Clinical teaching is now every Thu/Fri morning and today: I was on FIRE! Roar, an all that.

We're on our Haem/Onc rotation until end of January, and I already lov- uh, like it! Consultants seem reasonably willing to ignore us completely and make the SHO's teach us, which is fine by me. More likely to show up on time, better versed in current exam technique, less likely to bollock us for minor errors, young, cute...
So, today. We went out in groups of three (dire, I know, but Onc has very few patients well enough to be poked and prodded!) to take a full history +/- pick'n'mix exam (i.e. pick an exam, regardless of presenting complaint). Paired with supermurmurboy (picked up a grade 3 pansystolic mitral regurg last week, almost by accident. Grr) and orangegirl, we had a lovely bloke (bing! DO NOT CALL PATIENTS "bloke" WHEN PRESENTING!) who had a nasty tumour which was met'd on presentation. Sugar sweetie pie, he was. Honestly. History taken, 80% Jelly, 15% orangegirl, 5% supermurmurboy. Win! I do not just talk incessantly. Much. Except in the face of patients who are really willing to chat about their cancer, and be (badly) examined, with 2 fellow students who have their face in their notes. I just find it rude to let silence fall while we all scribble. So I continued with the history. And still wrote twice as many notes as supermurmurboy. Even the patient noticed. Blame the large, doctory handwriting.
Either way. Hx done. I attempted a very bad abdo exam (argh! OSCE in 1 month 26 days!) and completely forgot to start with the hands, or face... straight for the belly. FAIL. Crappy exam still found my first case of hepatomegaly!
Back to the teaching room for barbeque time. Present Mr. Cancer. "This is a xx year old bloke *cough* male with advanced x cancer metastasised to his x and x, admitted for cycle 7 of FOLFOX." Woo, I can name a chemo regime! Bonus points for describing the constituents of said regime. Superbonus points for discovering that leucovorin was a correct answer (shucks to you, Onc Dr). Yes, I geek.

Quickfire round of pharm, causes of abdo pain, symptoms of heart failure, causes of pleural effusion, investigation of frank haematuria... BING, BING, BING, BONUS BING! Orangegirl, pinkgirl, armygirl, supermurmurboy, nobface and beardy all in relative silence. *Inner glow*

Out on the ward to do a group meet-and-greet Mr Pleural Effusion. Nobface does the worst attempt at patient contact yet seen, complete with incoherent mumbling, a straightfromtextbook knowledge but nil practical practise display of a resp exam, and stunned faces from the rest of us.

Causes of tracheal shift. "Pneumothorax". "What kind?" "A big one?" Genius, Jelly, genius. Do not pass Go. Do not collect MBChB.
Turns out Casualty and ER finally win at something. Tension pneumothorax is a real diagnosis, and really fixed by jabbing a cannula dramatically into the chest. I cannot wait!

Despite "big one", OncDoc is still looking at me for all the answers! YAY! I even came home and spent hours reading about sorafenib and other NICE-banned RCC drugs and more FOLFOX stuff! I never thought I'd say I like Oncology. I like curative stuff! You broke bone, me fix. Not, you have a horrific and mostly fatal condition, I'd like to fiddle with this bag of fluid, or maybe that one?

I fail at life, but I heart clinical medicine!

Tuesday, 24 November 2009

Stormclouds and fairy wings.

Just came up with an awesome audit proposal over lunch. Future A&E doc is in on it. Plus the flat cat. I think my secret is safe with the interweb. *whistles innocently*

Meeting with the tutor in two weeks, so we shall see if he think it's feasible. I probably have to re-earn the right to audit, though. My week off put me at least three weeks behind. A month later, that's shrunk to two weeks. By Christmas, it should be ok. Maybe.

The big dark cloud has swung back over my head and I just cannot shake it off. Not properly. For a few blissful minutes, I can push it away with a glass of wine. For an hour, with a furiously competitive badminton game (impressive, on my shitty lungs). But it always comes back, with a vengeance.

Now it is stealing from me. Taking words from my mouth. More and more times, I discover that the word I want isn't there. It's on the tip of my tongue, blocked by something invisible. I write instead, my handwriting spiralling across pages. But letters are missing, misplaced, miswritten. P's become b's. S's get inverted. My hand shakes with it's own frustration.

But I am hanging on to everything else. I know I passed the formative. Five hours of painstaking copying from scribbled clerkings produced an extended clerking that will pass - with a few red scribbles criticising my use of abbreviations, no doubt. My videoed patient interview today was pretty good. Not amazing, but better than alright. I got all the symptoms and concerns out in my time limit, and showed some degree of competency in communication skills.

So I know I can do this clinical stuff. I damn well know I want the end product. I just can't hack the mind-drain in between.

Wednesday, 29 July 2009

Wheely dangerous

Spent yesterday (I think, even our RTC victim was better orientated to day/date than I currently am) with the local LIVES volunteer doc (who is also an ST1 Anaesthetist and previous A&E Nurse & Army Paramedic), trawling the county for car crashes and cardiac arrests.

It must have been the quietest day in ambulance history. We had 8 1/2 hours without a single call. And even that was only a tiny piece of scone gone down the wrong way. We drove 30 miles on blues to get to it, as it came through as a cardiac arrest. I never even saw the patient, since there was a crew already on scene.

Instead, we spent the day on what amounts to an 'Intro to Pre-Hospital Care' course :)
Toured our local A&E (and left shocked at finding anaes units with halothane in them - even I recalled that my notes say it's no longer used! To be fair to them, there was a note on the halothane section recommending use of another agent).
Went to the local Fire station and checked out their search and rescue vehicles - they are literally massive store cupboards on wheels! Scissors the size of my body for cars, ropes thicker than my arms, huge lights for nighttime accident scenes, blocks to stabillise RTC cars... Plus everything you could ask for to completely destroy a car in a matter of minutes, from chains, glass cutters, scissors, separators, and 'ram's - hydraulic cylinders that are wedged under dashboards and extended to pull the entire dash forwards and up, away from anybody's legs! Strangely enough, they also had everything you could need to pull a cow out of a ditch...
Headed out to the smaller ambu-station that sits mid-way between us and the coast, where we found a single crew with their feet up watching morning telly :)
In that same town is our LIVES headquarters, so we went up there too. Had a lovely chat with two of the guys there, about how LIVES works, how it's funded, what it's capacity is, success rates, job variability, growth of local responder groups, AED access in public places, etc. Also checked out the recording from an AED brought in after an unsuccessful resus on a cardiac arrest. The guy had been down for 20 minutes before the responder got there, with security staff doing CPR until then. The trace was coarse VF, so he got 2 shocks. It was so easy to see where the CPR was occuring and when the responder stopped to do rescue breaths, and the timings of everything. After 2 shocks, he went down to asystole, but CPR continued for 26 mins total. The ambu crew took 33 minutes to arrive. Sounds shocking, but it was in a pretty remote area, and the responder was actually on scene just 4 minutes after the call was made.
After visiting HQ, we travelled on, out to the coast. The station out here is pretty tiny too, with 3 ambu's. Gorgeous weather, so we had a wander along the sands with a portion of chips each! Town was packed to the gills with chavs and oldies. We thought we'd check out the hospital too, and boy were we in for a shock! Residential street, with a (very) large house on one end. Yup, that house is the hospital. The original 'cottage hospital' sign was still above the door! Inside, we were almost on the set of The Royal. The house had been marginally converted and added onto over the years, but the A&E dept. was a corridor with the original rooms stripped and a hospital trolley added in each. Resus was a curtained off wider room at the end. Forget the horror of halothane gas machines, there were no gas machines! The radiographer went home at five, so no scans after-hours. Any trauma was taken straight out of town, 20-30 miles down the coast. We exited in complete hysterical giggles. I honestly didn't believe places like that existed. It was genuinely like being in The Royal!
The station was still dead, couple of Cat C's at lunchtime but nothing for us, so we headed north to another seaside down. It was so depressing that we drove straight through. Now was when we got our 'cardiac arrest' call! Quick satnav instructions, lights and sirens on, and we were off!
Horrendous roads, horrific corners, at horrible speeds. I think we did a minimum of 50, and that was in the corners. [Disclaimer: at no point did we exceed the emergency driving regulations of being more than 20mph above the speed limit.] Arrive at the nursing home. Para wanders out, looks a little surprised to see us, and explains it was a momentary choke-vomit-back to normal. Quick break to let the adrenaline of the drive wear off, and we were back on the roads, heading back towards HQ town. Well-deserved cup of coffee, an episode of eggheads, and we got our big shout. Entrapment/RTC!

We drove 40 miles in increasingly heavy downpour, down tiny bendy back roads that our rural county is well known for (and contribute greatly to our road carnage!) as fast as we could safely go. More info comes in as we travel: the main casualty is pregnant, and there are several other casualties. The entrapment remains.

10 miles out, I check the map for the exact road we're after, as Control can't put coordinates through to our Satnav like they can on their own vehicles. I get my fluoro coat on, and try and work out how to get the helmet on, so there's less time faffing around when we arrive.

1 mile out. I have no saliva left, my heart is about to implode, and I'm shaking like a leaf. Quite how Matt manages to drive, and think about all the eventualities on scene, while every drop of adrenaline surges through, I have absolutely no idea. The helmet goes on.

At the end of the road is the Police - Accident cordon. Oh shit. This is not a minor.

Around a corner, and there it is. All I can see is blue lights. As we slow, and a policeman moves the second cordon to let us on scene, I can identify a fire truck, an ambulance, a police car, and a paramedic team leader car. But no mashed car... yet.

As we pull round the ambulance to move to the far end of the scene (our car is less visible than a massive red fire truck, and it gives us time to assess the scene while parking), I spot the underside of a car. Off the road, in a field. In a ditch, to be precise.

We jump out, and I grab our trauma bag while Matt gets his helmet & extrication gloves on. As I deposit our stuff at the equipment dump site (a big tarpaulin the fire service lay out for all of us to put our gear on, so it's central to the scene and in no-one's way), I can see that we're not here for our extrication skills any more. The fire service are carrying a long board (occupied!) away from the ditch.

[I'm dumping our stuff off, and a copper nearby greets me. My immense nerves immediately blurt out "I'm just a medical student! I'm with the doctor (point at Matt)!". Gibbering wreck indeed. I think I was incredibly scared he was gonna assume I had some degree of medical competence and get me to do something! I'd never looked at my helmet before this call (it's carried in it's own fluoro bag) and I was expecting it to say 'OBSERVER' all over it. It doesn't. It says 'AMBULANCE'. Shit]

Matt runs back to the car to check out the damage while the paramedics deal with the patient. A quick glance at the wreckage patterns and physical damage to the car, and we're headed to the ambulance.

Our patient is loaded as we don our gloves (the medical examination ones, not the extrications and I try and overhear everything everyone is saying. We have a lone female patient (other casualties were very minor injuries and are with the police, giving details), 8 months pregnant, driving the vehicle when it flipped.

She's got a fair amount of dried blood in her hair and all over her face and hands, plus one foot (shoeless). First things first; she's talking, so we have an airway. And if you can talk, you're breathing alright. We do a formal assessment as well, cutting through her bra (hope it wasn't her favourite!) to examine her chest for open wounds and have a good listen for equal air entry. Her pulse is fine (turns out she's only 8 weeks, not months, pregnant, so all those physiological differences we discussed on the way in are irrelevant here), BP is normal, and she's satting at 99%, so all good.

The paras/fire service have her firmly tied on a long board, with a collar and head blocks. We get her out of those (with either the para or Matt holding her head straight at all times, checking that the other has full control before letting go) and start poking. She's tender over 3 cervical vertebrae, so that collar is going back on in a second.

Tenderness is also found over the zygoma, temple, and around the back of the head. No open lac is found for all the blood, but her hair is pretty clotted up already. She's quite capable of telling us where it hurts, and can identify the day and date better than I can (I could have sworn it were Monday, and as for the date.... ), so that along with the lack of other neurological symptoms (pupils, etc) is a reassurance.

[While Matt is doing his poking and prodding, the para grabs me to the feet. "I think her ankle's dislocated - it just looks wrong. What do you think?" Erm.... I think I'm supremely underqualified for this! However, my bedtime reading of Essential Ortho came in handy. She had pretty pudgy ankles (due to obesity, not pregnancy) that obscured any tuberosities or prominences, and a very curved foot. I had a quick press along the front of the tibia, and there were no depressions, abnormal movements or points of weakness (and no sudden screams from the head end!) and the same along the dorsum of the foot. We took the other shoe off to compare, and it seems she just had really tiny curved feet! I couldn't find any evidence of either fracture or dislocation, and Matt had a check of both ankles/feet on his secondary survey and found nothing either (he had the advantage of being able to ask her to flex/extend her ankles and wiggle her toes, which I couldn't do because she was busy answering his questions about head injuries!), so I was pretty pleased with myself on that count. I will add that I did explain that I was only a student before I did anything/said anything else.]

Matt's pretty sure we won't travel, given her stable condition and fairly minor injuries (given the mechanism of injury), so we cannulate. 1 grey stops at a valve, so he leaves that dangling while he gets another one in further up the dorsum of her hand. Some choice words from the patient to fill the back of the truck with blue air, but given that I can pass out at a tiny 22g needle, I don't blame her with two 14g's in her hand! I use my new ambulance skills to anticipate the alco-swab, saline flush, tegaderm, and dressing pad (for the failed cannulation attempt) - ok, small contribution, but it makes me feel useful. I get to hang the saline, too, if only because the para is about four inches shorter than me!

We negotiate an A&E destination, recommend a trauma call to the receiving team to be ready in case of any deterioration en route, and leave them to it. The fire truck and all but one police car have gone by now, having done their bit. The fire truck in particular hightailed it out of there as soon as the patient was out! The ambulance pulls away as we strip off gloves and gather ourselves together.

Time for a longer look at the scene, now the casualties are sorted. The skid marks on the road are obvious from the corner (opposite to the direction in which we arrived), swerving across the wet road. There's a gouge out of the tarmac with some scrapes of car paint that show exactly where it flipped (I never realised it could cut holes in the road!), and the flattened long grass at the roadside shows where it slid across, to land pretty squarely on it's roof, wedged in the ditch.

We head down into the ditch to have a closer look. The roof is squished in, down to about head-rest height I reckon (couldn't estimate properly as the seats had been fully reclined to get the patient out through the boot. She'd been suspended via seatbelt, but unclipped herself and tried to self-extricate, but not got far.), and quite crumpled. The back end is relatively unharmed, suggesting a front flip, rather than side. The back windscreen is way back towards the road and the front is attached round the edges, but fully splintered from ground contact. The side windows have all been shoved out too. Inside the vehicle, the dashboard is completely intact and appears undamaged. Blood patterns on the roof inner show dripping and dragging rather than any spurting (how CSI?!). Shoes and umbrellas are scattered underneath the car. Round the side, we find speaker casings, windscreen wipers, and the front grille (still with logo attached) scattered across the field for around 10 yards. The front of the car is tricky to see, with the bonnet and the ground keeping each other company. I have tons of photos of the wreckage (plus impromptu ones of Matt (also taking photos) and of the copper who came to put his 'Authorities Aware' sticker on the wreckage) - tis entirely legal to take photo's, so long as anything involving patients is fully consented first.

So, get the bags (completely unused, but soggy) back into the boot, get helmets packed away, and dry off with the in-car heating :) Then we headed up to the A&E where our patient had disappeared to. Rang R on the way to organise my lift home from the station, and that's when the shock hit. Partly cos he flipped his car a couple of years ago. I didn't even know him them, let along have seen the wreckage, but looking at that car in the ditch, I could only imagine how terrifying it must have been to flip over at speed... He came away with a fragment of windscreen in his knuckle, and a torn earlobe. Lucky sod :) I do believe I told him (on this phonecall) that he was never ever driving again. I calmed down over a cup of tea in a pub en-route (to give A&E time to assess our patient and get some scans/treatment organised) though.

Turned up at A&E (about 2100hrs by this point) and wandered round to resus, only to be accosted by a nurse and doctor. Ahem, is the entire fluoro jump suit (marked in huge letters with the words 'ANAESTHETIST', 'DOCTOR', 'BASICS', and 'LIVES') not clear enough? Plus, we knew the patients name, injuries, and location/type of accident. We'd hardly just wandered in off the streets.

Turns out they'd only just assessed her. We popped in to say hello anyway, and she was sufficiently compus mentis to recognise Matt ('that nasty doctor' - who was perfectly nice until he wanted to put big needles in!).

Got back to the main ambu station about forty minutes later and called up to check on her progress. Still not scanned, but at least the CT had been ordered by now.

I got a text at just gone midnight to confirm that she only had scalp lacs, and no skull fractures! All good news! A&E staff were suspecting a depressed skull fracture cos her head was pretty 'boggy' at the back, but turns out it can feel like that with scalp lacs because of the looseness of the aponeurosis and the way blood can fill that gap, outside of the skull. So she'll be in til today for observation, and possibly for O&G input to check on her baby, but at 8 weeks, with that amount of padding, I'm pretty sure s/he's just fine :)

All in all, I'm incredibly grateful for the day I spent with Matt. Even with only one call, I learnt a hell of a lot, and I haven't even seen him do anything outside of a paramedic remit yet!

The adrenaline rush of turning up on scene not knowing exactly what awaits you, while knowing that it must be serious seeing as we haven't been stood down en-route, is just.... immense.

I've already started putting out feelers for what I can do in pre-hospital care, even at this stage of my career. I can't wait to see what the future holds....

Monday, 27 July 2009

BASICS blues time!

Out again tomorrow, but with a BASICS doc :) Very excited, as even if we don't do anything I get a day of chatting to an experienced anaesthetist about anything and everything to do with medicine, emergency care, and anaesthetics.

Fingers are still crossed for a MajAx tho....

Sunday, 26 July 2009

Blue light reflections

At times this week, I have genuinely wished I had done this placement before I accepted my medical school place. Much shorter training, more immediate patient responsibility, opportunity to give immediate treatment, on-scene trauma work (not that I've seen this yet), and the whole adrenaline rush of driving on red :D And the thrill of giving immediate emergency care doesn't seem to wear off. The EMT I was with on my night shift was shaking as much as I was on our last case.

I know that if I actually trained as a para, I'd eventually want to go back to med school and be a doctor, but in the immediate future... I can't help but wish. 5 years is a lot of debt.

Emergency med is looking increasingly appealing. I've read all the warnings that A&E is becoming just a triage site for the specialties, but there are hopes that EM will move out into pre-hospital care, and that potential future excites me more than the current state of EM. Pre-hospital gives the chance to use the usual skills of resuscitation and stability of the emergency patient, but without the huge amount of back up a hospital A&E provides. More initiative required. More improvisation. Dealing with a patient with DIB with a trache, the trache didn't have any fixtures for attachments to add o2 lines or a BVM or a neb, so a pedi mask was altered with various bits of tubing and tape to fit over the trache to administer o2 and nebs.

I'm awaiting an email from the ambu manager about potential placements with their anaesthetics reg who does voluntary BASICS work with them. Also air ambulance, for more experience with sicker patients and (fingers crossed!) trauma.

I have learnt so much from this week. Not just about how the ambulance service works, and how it fits in with the other professions and the overlap of care, but also about patient care. I can do basic obs with more confidence, and in the back of a moving vehicle. I've got more tips on how to cannulate, when I'm eventually let loose on patients. I can identify warning signs of major problems. I've learnt about BP lowering on the left in an AAA. About the decision process of pharmalogical intervention, in the case of adrenaline, atropine, and adenosine/amiodarone (I'm not entirely sure which one I mean, since it's just 'that one beginning with A' to me...), and morphine/entonox, plus pre/post morphine use of cyclizine (50mg diluted in 10ml water/saline). Immobilisation of fractures. Assessing for injury.

And that old chestnut - everyone lies.

Friday, 24 July 2009

Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse...

Night shift was awful/awesome (delete as appropriate depending on clock-reading).

2100hrs - 80YOF - allergic reaction to angio dye. Massive hives for 3/7, then reacted to first dose of prednisolone - swelling of face, limbs, etc. Unreadable Sp02 to start with, but was fine on 02.

2200 - Miles out into the countryside to an 80YOM - off legs. Ca lung, smoking like a chimney. Didn't want to go to hospital cos they wouldn't let him 'sneak out for a fag'. 45 min handover at hosp = lifestory of every hospital escaped from to have a fag. Giving the nurses hell when we left...

0000 - 17YOM - transfer to our local hospital. Car V Ped, knocked out by wing mirror. #base of skull, orbit, ankle. Beautiful 'eye-shadow' bruising. Talked like a steam train all the way in.

0130 - did something. Night shift amnesia. [EDIT - standby at far-north station. Woke me up a bit, having drifted off several times on the drive, whacking my nose and chin on various metal boxes arranged around my seat. Didn't spend long there, as got sent back to hospital to stand-by there]

Slept from 0230 til 0400.

0430 - 50YOM - constipation. Excruciating pain, relieved on Entonox. Learnt that taking a patient to A&E pain-free (due to morphine, etc) means no treatment.

0530 - 71YOM - Multiple convulsions. Evidence of CVA. GCS 3 on arrival at scene. Massive fit on loading into the truck. Stopped without pharm intervention. BVM 02, switched to face mask for transport. Cannulated. Rang ahead to A&E to prep resus. 2mg lorazepam on arrival as starting fitting again. Another line in. U&E, FBC, Clotting, Group&Save bloods, and ABG done. OPA inserted as decerebrate-ness (?) implied inability to hold own airway. ABG came back as acidosis (6.9) - no idea whether resp/met, but prob resp as COPD? Dunno, all first year exam material has gone. Pupils fixed/dilated. Shit prognosis. Bit of an oxymoron on quality of life - lived in complete squalor, but was king of his castle. Could get around fine normally, only seen by 999 every few months for COPD (another insistent smoker!). I think the para's were sad to see him at his end - the "cantankerous old git"s are sometimes highlights of the day/night.

I hung around in resus for quite a while (not entirely sure whether this was out of medical student curiosity or the hottie F1 - shame on Jelly). Got some awesome teaching off the F1 too, about basic management, assessment of GCS, analysis of ABG results, etc.

It was a strange shift, overall. A great end, experience-wise, in terms of it being the only blue-light run into A&E I've witnessed, with treatment en-route, and teaching too, but obviously a shit end as well. I daren't inquire as to how the guy is, cos I already know the answer, and I don't like it.

Why do I want this career so much?

Wednesday, 22 July 2009

Yelp, Wail, HiLo, *snap*

Another day with the nee-naws :D This time on teh Community Response Car, so I've only seen 4 calls in 14 hours.

89YOF - angina, dizziness, nausea. Relieved with GTN and cyclizine. Transported by truck.
87YOM - welfare check for fall yesterday (refused transport to hosp). Demented as a duck, but physically fine.
60YOF - tripped over doorstep ?#tib/fib. Swollen ankle with anterior protuberance. I wanted to poke, but restrained myself. I did the BP by myself though! :D
89YOF - fell off chair. Unharmed. Picked up. Put back in chair.

So... I learnt that old people fall a lot. And that drawing up saline syringes for cannula flushes is harder than it looks. Also that doing anything with soggy saline'd gloves is almost impossible.

And doing ANYTHING with a patient is terrifying! I got left alone to do obs on our #ankle while our CP went to the car for entonox, and even connecting the cuff up to the machine was tricky! The only pulse I could find in her feet was my own.

Fingers crossed for a busy night shift tomorrow. I still have half a billion different cases to tick off my mental list. Old faller, haematemesis, fracture, and convulsion don't make much of a dent in it...

Quite glad I didn't do this placement before I started med school, or I think I'd have dropped out and gone to para school instead.

Monday, 13 July 2009

NEE NAW!

I am going on an ambulance :D

For 36 hours.

Over the space of 4 1/2 days.

2 days, 1 night.

2 double-man crews, 1 Community Response Unit.

And I am unbelievably excited!!!!

Saturday, 11 July 2009

Summer has... started?

Greetings (to myself, clearly, since my blog readership = nil).

Since last time... Earnt £114 selling strawberries. Got extremely tanned doing so. Went to York with the boyf to celebrate one year together! Had an awesome time doing the round of museums and places like Clifford's Tower & The Minster, and then spent the day itself out at Brimham Rocks, which I ADORE. Been going to Brimham since I was a kid, and R loved it just as much, scrambling up 30ft boulders without a care in the world. Amazing views right across the Dales, too. Anyway, 1 year down, many more to go, I hope :)

Got a few employment options to pursue now.
There's shifts going as a factory packer in the city, which honestly sounds like the suckiest slave labour ever. Gonna inquire about wages before I even consider that, I think.
Option 2 is ringing up the events company I worked for at the show and asking what they have. My friend who also did the show is spending the weekend at York races with the company, so looks like work IS available. And £50/day isn't at all bad...
The third choice is actually sending out my forms for the Independant Hospital! They've been in my handbag for weeks cos I can't ever get round to finishing them!

I have progress on the CV-relevant funtimes too - the ambulance service is all sorted, and I'm going in on Monday to meet my placement supervisor and chat about what I'll actually be doing, and then the following Monday I'm in!
I got a consultant from my work experience times (07!) to agree to let me tag along for a week with him too, so that's my Ortho experience for this summer totally sorted! I'm pretty psyched for this - it's been two years since I've seen theatre and I cannot wait to get scrubbed, and this time I might get to assist, or at least stand by the table! Woo! :D
As for the rest... Well. Research Supervisor is currently unresponsive. And I can't confirm my audit back in UniTown until some of these placements start dropping into place and I can actually offer firm dates.

A flat to stay in while doing my audit would be uber-helpful, too. I'm actually looking into 1-beds right now, as a 'just-in-case'. We've bid on 3 properties, and so far - zilch. Mum & I have kinda set a mental deadline of end of August before we start panicking! Gah! We just need this place to be perfect, since it's a sale, not a rental, and therefore it's gonna be our (me, K, & E) home for the next 3 or so years (until K gets married, and I intercalate).

Chill, Jell-o. Pour out another glass of the Vin-o and chill-o.

Friday, 26 June 2009

Miss Jelly, MBChB, FRCS - Give me ten years...

Just did the Virginia Medical Specialty Aptitude Test. I am a surgeon through and through. Top 6 were all surgical. Ortho was at No5, with Cardio & Thoracic at 1 & 2, but I really don't fancy CT at the moment. Too competitive. Hammer + chisel + patient = Happy Jelly

I KNOW it's far too early to be looking at specialties. Survey my class and the answers for future specialty are 95% "Don't know; probably GP or Paeds". However, two of the chef's I worked with this week, once they discovered I was a medic, decided that they could see me as a GP. After watching me slice up a very human-flesh-like piece of pork with a vengeance (and a chef's arm also on the chop board for comparison), they changed their minds.

So far, the specialty list (in my mind, at least) is:
1. Ortho
2. Emergency Medicine
3. Anaesthetics

Nothing fiddly, nothing that keeps me out of scrubs, nothing dull (I went to Rheum Outpatients with Mum today and nearly fell asleep. It's never lupus.)

Wednesday, 3 June 2009

Final Fresher's Fondness

I missed out 2 whole days of blogging! May the bloggod spear me with his lightening emoticons.

So... Monday - Amnesia. I may have slept.
Tuesday - RESULTS! I passed all 3 of my modules, my little flatmate passed all hers plus her resit, and my big flatmate passed too! And... I'm in line for a prize for the psychosocial module! So far I'm in the top 3 out of our year group! Still pretty much in shock over that, seeing as I was getting pretty nervous as to whether I'd even passed that exam!
Early start tomorrow for tutor meeting and then Prize Viva! Trying not to revise... trying, and will probably fail by bedtime.

R and I's 1 year anniversary is fast approaching, and our relationship is stepping up a gear too - I'm moving in for the week that his housemates are on holiday. I'm not entirely sure how well this will go. He's working a lot of overtime, and I'm currently unemployed. Domestic bliss it will not be.

What is domestic bliss is that I made cakes today! From the remnants of flour, sugar, cereal, sultanas, smarties, and milk laying around the kitchen. Creative, huh? And they don't seem to have poisoned anyone yet, so bonus points! All the crockery, cutlery, and other cooking-concerned condiments are packed away in boxes, ready for the great Halls Exodus on Friday. As if the pile of boxes isn't already at head height...

Thursday, 28 May 2009

*celebratory exams-are-over dance*

And it's all over. Second year here I come! Conditional to results, etc...

OSPE went pretty well, aside from mistaking the trachea for a bladder - it was a VERY vague CT! I'm 99% sure I'v passed this module, just need to wait and see if I get a decent mark from it! Fingers crossed for an 18 or above...

Celebrations began as soon as the OSPE let out. Pub lunch, girly shopping under the influence :) Then a quick nap before the evening started! Quickly exceeded the previous alcohol intake record, and yet didn't feel drunk... this morning is less hungover than normal too. Oh no! Tolerance!!!

Finally on the downhill slope to summer and home now. 8 days til the parentals arrive - just need to tackle the issue of 'how on earth do I get all my stuff into the car?!'