If this is summer, where is sunshine?

I'm home. Shattered. Still jobless, with 11 CV's out. Neither of my projects this summer have got back to me either.

However - I WON THE PSYCHOSOCIAL PRIZE!!! Jointly, with a guy who totally deserves it, but WOO!!! Very chuffed with myself for that.

Spent the day with the boyf :) Spent last night over there, got totally bepuzzled by the finale of Ashes to Ashes, went to the aquarium today, saw lots of fishes, fell in love with flatfish again, and grew more and more irritate by the high pitched shrieks of "I've found Nemo!" from every single small child there. Saw the entire in-law family, including having tea with Uncle C and Granny S! Fortunately it went well, accompanied with a hastily procured bunch of flowers! Well, she did sew my damaged skirt up this term, as well as providing the most lavish tea I've seen in a while!

Totally love-hate with R right now. Head over heels in love with him, but more and more annoying things are coming out. Possibly because he's working 13 hour shifts nearly every day off the week, and I'm post-prozac with jetlag. But gah! Temper, temper! And if I have to tattoo the word 'tolerance' onto his eyes, I will!
All things being equal, I'll admit to freaking out over his tale of the lost V. I had a fairytale romantic story in my head, due to the subsequent heartbreak around the ex, and that was cruelly dashed by the truth of drunken encounters at a party, before they were officially together. I was pretty gutted to find that out, to be honest. I still hate that I wasn't his first, and I guess I kinda thought that if it couldn't be with me then I had hoped it was lost honourably. But past is past. I can't get on my high horse, since my V was lost pretty dishonourably too, in the aftermath of his infidelity. I can say with as much false conviction as possible that I did it because it made me realise that I loved him, and that I was willing to overlook that mistake in the light of apologies and remorse. But subconsciously? I'd almost lost him, and I didn't want that to happen. So I gave away the one thing I still had to give. I'm not proud of that. I don't regret sleeping with R at all. I just regret the timing. We all make mistakes.

Gah where did my cheery 'start of summer' mood go to?! I have beautiful 'exam congratulations' roses, very scrumptious 'prize congratulations' chocolates (both from R) and a swish bottle of wine from the parentals to celebrate both those occasions!

Girly lunch later this week with a very sunburnt friend, to find out exactly how gruesome her legs look and whether the Fucidin is helping... Oh, the silly things we do in the name of vanity....