Fuses and future fear

I am in a state of indecision. Possibly due to yet another of my old school friends getting engaged. It's bridal bouquets and babies everywhere you look among my former classmates.
So it's prompted a bizarre look at the future. Pretty far into the future, actually, considering that the next six to eight years are pretty set in stone - stuck in my university area finishing degree and doing foundation years. No, I'm looking at old wrinklies future time...

I love R. But he has the temper of a petulant toddler. It is evident in his father. And mine. Isn't it said that you choose a man who reminds you of your father?

I hate the strops. The grumps. The tantrums. The sulks. The mardys. The 'I'm going to sit in my bedroom for the remainder of this evening, refuse to emerge, and refuse to communicate even through the bedroom door'.

Keep telling myselt it's all good practice for when the patter of tiny feet is finally heard in my life.

I can't help thinking that I only consider that R and I have a long term future because he is my first proper boyfriend. My first love. My longest relationship. Maybe if I had more experience in this, I wouldn't cling on to R like a liferaft to a Titanic survivor. I would be able to let him go, knowing that there are many more fish in the sea.

But R and I both know that we are not the people to give second chances. We are both on our second chances for minor indiscrepancies, many months past. But for big things? If I walked away, the path back does not exist. And if he left me, for whatever reason, I stand on too many principles to take him back.

The question remains, am I wasting time with R? Is Mr Right hiding just around the river bend, but I have to actually put my oar in the water, and push? Not just blindly float.

Meh, I'm on a down day. It's a week short of our 6 month anniversary. I'll keep floating. Life has waves. I just need it to lift and let me see the horizon again.